RLSH vs. RLSV

If there ever was to be a show down, I think it would go something like this.

Resources for Evil: Google Maps

One of my most favorite evil activities is telling people to use Google Maps. Google Maps is perhaps one of the greatest online resources for villainy that the internet has ever known.

Besides the fact it will automatically direct you to every toll road known to man... it also loves to send you on roads and bridges that are yet to be built.

Now I know what you are saying.. where is the villainy? Getting wrong directions from an online resource is annoying sure, but not particularly evil.

Well then howabout taking a Kayak to Japan? Yes folks Google Maps will actually give you directions to Japan via Kayak... only 35 days and 6 hours. I put in Los Angeles, CA as my starting destination, as on the map it looks like a pretty straight shot across the Pacific ocean. Unfortunately Google Maps does not approve of me shoving off from LA and sends me about 1,200 miles north to depart from Washington. Thankfully only after 2,756 miles of paddling it gives me a stop over in Hawaii to stretch my legs. After my brief respite another 3,879 miles by Kayak to Japan. Now you think just getting to the shore of Japan would be good enough... no sir not for Google Maps! Once on the banks of Japan I must travel another 200+ miles (all by toll roads) to the exact epicenter of this jewel of the orient.

Google Maps does not allow travel across the Atlantic Ocean, but the Pacific Ocean is apparently a Kayaking paradise. Look out Red Arrow... here I come!

Real Life Mermaids

So I watched the ABC television network tonight to tune into the show 20/20 that presented a special edition about "Superhumans!". The program featured a guy who climbs buildings, another guy with a gliding suit, real life mermaids, an autistic gu.... wait wait.. back up.

Real Life Mermaids? Ummmmm again why did no one tell me about this sooner? Hot girls in fish tails working as lifeguards and protecting the environment.. sign me up. I here by proclaim all Real Life Super Villain arching rights on Real Life Mermaids Hannah and Linden or as I will refer them to from now on as Molly and Dolly.

I will have to enhance my gimmick and plan.... Ok done. I will spend the next several months and or years developing a realistic dolphin suit. I will travel to the locations where these enchanting creatures of sailors song congregate and flail around in the water like a hurt air breathing sea creature. When they both rescue me I will pop my head out of the mouth of the dolphin costume and profess my undying love to them, winning their hearts and living happily ever after under the sea.

I must start the preparations for my plans and contact an aquatic expert about dolphins and the guy who worked on Sea Quest.... Oh yeah the rest of the television program had some other unique people then a little tidbit at the end about the RLSH.

Life (the guy, not the thing he is avoiding or breakfast cereal) and DC's Guardian were mentioned by name.

Real Life Mermaids! I am truly living in the future... or the past?

Blog Talk Radio: Ape Radio 03/03/10

On Wednesday the Ape among Apes The Mighty Guerrilla Grodd launched his first broadcast on Blog Talk Radio.

I had to run some field tests on the Beta Ray Transmitter so I was unable to call in until the last part of the show. Not to get side tracked but the Beta Ray Transmitter is most likely the best piece of equipment the boys in the lab have produced yet. This magnificent invention takes obsolete VHS tapes and turns them into more obsolete Beta Max tapes.

Otherwise I was only able to listen to the show live from around the 7-14 minute mark then call in blind with about 10 minutes left. I listened to the rest on Thursday and was mildly annoyed. Not so much at the program, but more so that I had to listen to it myself. It seems weekends for interns start on Thursday.

For a first show I think it went alright. Krampus and Agent B. were more then able to keep conversation flowing with lite and serious topics being discussed as the conversation progressed.
I was not sure what had been talked about after the first 14 minutes of the show so I just came in as "Wacky Morning Poop Knife".

I wish Grodd all the best on future broadcasts, and hope he is able to "evolve" his show....

The Interns are here!

Ah fabulous day callooh callay, my interns are here! At Free Information we pride ourselves about thinking outside of the box. In fact we do not allow any boxes on the premises. Being there is allot of work to be done around here and we have our hands full already we needed some kind of support system. Reading about various henchmen and minions it seems these types of characters are more trouble then they are worth. They all want some kind of payment and are always hoping that the leadership will fail so they can take over. So enter the Intern.

A few calls to some local universities and some well placed adds on Craigslist and we had more applicants then we knew what to do with. After about six hours of interviews we accepted three interns that we felt were up to the tasks at hand. After the indoctrination ceremony Frank, Eric, and Sarah were sworn in. Feeling their names were not up to snuff with the current theme they were each renamed: Master Leper, Dolthian, and Cock Block.

The first task they were given was to catch up on all the blog talk radio I refuse to listen to.
Lord Malignance had tried a similar route with his henchmen only leading to a possible revolt. And that is the beauty with interns, they must comply or they do not get my endorsement for completion of their education.

In the immortal words of Lavern and Shirley... this time there is no stopping us!

RLSV Spotlight: The Max Headroom Hijacker

Time to pay tribute to one of the Real Life Super Villains of the past, The Max Headroom Hijacker. Although his time in the world was brief (about two minutes) the impact this individual made still echos through the annals of villain history.

On November 22, 1987 two television broadcasts in the Chicago area (WGN-TV & WTTW) were interrupted to bring forth his message of evil. From political commentary, anti advertising propaganda, awareness of soiled garments, and having his behind smacked with a fly swatter this person truly was a pioneer of evil in his day.

I look back at this great individual with admiration and awe. He might have also been making a statement about local news coverage and British science fiction television as well, but that will never be known.

The Max Headroom Hijacker was never apprehended and remains at large to this day.