RLSV Patrol Log: 03/20/11

Poop Knife Patrol Log: 03/20/11

2:32pm: Left Lair to walk to dollar store to purchase cat food.
2:34pm: Man waved at me while doing yard work.... waved back.
2:41pm: Reached the dollar store. Right behind lady who dropped the door on my face. She looked back and I gave her a death stare.. she quickly looked away. Let out audible "Hurrrmmmm"
2:42pm: Made selection of brand of cat food... Cat Cafe' looked tasty. Brand name made me think of Paris.. saw bag of Meow Mix and laughed.
2:43pm: Lady waiting in line with large cart of food smiled and said I could go in front of her. Smiled and said "Thank You". Random act of kindness, the wheel of Karma re balancing after door incident? No.. they feel my evil and are in fear for their lives.. they also smell the almost sickening sweetness of the Water Mellon Jolly Rancher I am sucking on.
2:51pm: Children in street having argument about the proper disposal of a plastic water bottle. Girl wants to throw it away... boy wants to leave it there. No need for intervention... evil will prevail and I will see the bottle there tomorrow.
2:54pm: Returned to Lair and fed cat.
3:02pm: Wrote Patrol Log

Happy Kitty Genovese Day!

Time for you to get a little bit of understanding on what makes Poop Knife function.

The year was 1999 give or take in wonderful sunny south Florida. I worked at a local business in the classic downtown area that was trying to revitalize as many towns were doing in this era. The idea being to celebrate local businesses and the heritage of main street USA.

The only problem with this wonderful idea is 90% of the homeless population also resided in the downtown area as well. All the shop owners and workers became very close to each other as we had to watch out for each other on a regular basis.

One day a new member of the homeless transient (the homeless just like birds migrate south for the winter) population decided to call our little town "home". Only this one was a little different then the rest.. very mentally unstable.. scared the hell out of everyone including the rest of the local homeless We nicknamed him Uni-Manson as he wore the same style mirrored sun glasses and hoody as the Unibomber but had the wild Afro like Charles Manson.

Nothing could be done, as even though everyone knew this guy was insane he had not broken any laws.

A plan was formed to remove this dangerous element from our little corner of society. Being this was a small town our plan was leaked to other well placed members of the community... and as scary as this is they supported what we were going to do and were willing to provide what ever assistance we needed to complete our self appointed vigilante mission.

Equipment was gathered and funded by various contributors (made Z look like Mr. Rogers) and a few dry runs or "rehearsals" were performed to make sure everything would run smoothly.... the plan was open to interpretation as force was going to indeed be used but we were willing to let Uni-Manson slink off into the night to become a problem of another community.

A few hours before "showtime" we were given an intervention by one of the prominent members of the local church who had also learned what we were about to do. His words were wise and true... It was not our place to do what ever we wanted to a man who had committed no crime other then scaring the living crap out of everyone who encountered him. We agreed to stand down and find a legal route for the situation.

Three weeks later on a Tuesday..... I will never forget this day for as long as I live. Another boring day of no business, most of us decided to close early due to it being a rainy day. One store owner decided to stick it out on the chance she would make some desperately needed money. Uni-Manson must have noticed that all the stores were closed except for hers. She was stabbed 27 times by him and died on her showroom floor after bleeding out. Uni-Manson was easily found by local police who followed the trail of stolen goods he dropped on the way to a wooded area a few blocks away.

I left town shortly after.. I could not stay there anymore.


Now you tell me "Heroes" you rally around a woman you would have no clue about if it had not been written about in some damn comic book. How do you think I feel? I had a chance to do something about the problem and did not because it was morally wrong. I would have become a vigilante or possibly a murderer, but instead due to my lack of action an innocent woman died for no damn reason at all.

You feed the homeless without understanding their nature... you are not part of any solution but are part of the problem. At any given time you can volunteer at a legit homeless outreach center... but oh no we can't have that can we because your a "Super Hero" and that would not satisfy your twisted ego of being the attention whores that you are. You go out after hours to "patrol" to find your Kitty Genovese to save.. but oh no you don't want to be a legitimate part of law enforcement because they are all "corrupt". You know better then them with all your advanced training of reading comic books.

Your entire sub-culture makes me sick to my stomach, with the very few exceptions of a handful of honest people who do know how to correctly do charity work. As for the rest of you pieces of human waste.... get it through your thick heads that you are not freaking super heroes.. you are a mockery of the word hero.

I was pulled back from the brink. Most of you are too stupid to be saved....

Her name was Elise...

While on patrol... excuse me while I was on my way to the super market I found something that troubled me.

On my stealthy approach to the front door.... while looking out for ninjas and such, I saw a young girl sitting on the ground next to the ATM machine crying. I stopped for a moment and was filled with an emotion of what I can only call disgust for the human race on a whole. I watched people walk by her in a speedy fashion, not even looking at her and pretending she was not there.

I walked up and sat down next to her on the ground and asked her what was wrong? She at first seemed a little startled.. but after I broke the ice with a classic from the Bugs Bunny collection "Did you sit on a tack?" she laughed though her tear stained eyes and started talking to me.

Her name was Elise and she was 15 years old and ran away from home three weeks ago. She had a fight with her parents and felt they did not want her anymore. Her debit card was declined and she was hungry and had no place to go. I am not sure how long we sat there and talked as time was meaningless to me at this point. I took her to the Subway that was adjacent to the supermarket and bought her a meatball sub and a diet soda with some chips.

As she ate we continued to talk, the fight she had was over texting on the phone with a boy.... again my inside RLSV flared up as what a pointless and meaningless argument to have with your child that the end result would cause her to run away. I could not tell if she had any physical violence applied to her being very dirty and ragged looking being on the street for three weeks. I called my intern Sarah to come and assist me.

We took her back to her place and Sarah cleaned her up and talked to her... in some situations women can feel more secure with each other then with men. After finding out she was not abused we asked if we could talk to her parents? She was still very upset with the situation but agreed. After a 8 minute conversation with the mother, who had been scared to death for the last three weeks and had filed a missing persons report, we drove Elise back home.

Both parents were crying and happy to have their child back again. I spoke to the father in private offering the advice to not sweat the small things in life and to remember what it was like when he was that age less the technology. Sarah and I were both thanked many times and hugged. Elise also thanked us for helping her. I smiled and said that is what Super Villains do. She smiled and laughed at me.. she said I was no villain I was her angle... I forced back my tears and cried on the way back home.

And what have you done today RLSH? Have you found your magical rape victim in that alley yet? Worked on your digital logo? Having fun in your upcoming reality shows to "inspire" us little people? Loose the costumes and start being real human beings... no this will not get you on television or the fame you long for.... but you might actually start making a difference in this world.

I know I have just returned from my hiatus... but I am taking another break again. As I feel you the RLSH.. are becoming a lost cause.

The Bar Harbor Batman

Well this has become interesting. I only became aware of the BHBM after TK posted on his blog if this guy was a RLSH or not?

My first response was no as being a "RLSH" should require a unique persona same as a RLSV (You have no idea on how many "new" RLSV members think they are the second coming of the Joker) this in retrospect was incorrect.... well on the RLSH front. All you tool bags who think you are the new Joker need a serious reality check.

Honestly... you want to go beat the hell out of people who dontate plasma in a poorly made spandex costumes?

After some thought and reflection the words of my RLSV comrade rang true:

---------------
Tothian:

It seems unfair for any of us on the Internet who don't know the guy personally to "decide" or "judge" whether he is or isn't a real life superhero. It just seems stupid.

Heroes aren't dubbed heroes because of a bunch of opinionated individuals on the Internet. I believe it's up to all of the people he may help or protect out on the streets to have their own opinions and perceptions of what they consider heroic, villainous, normal, weird, or whatever.

So, because of that, I see the titles as irrelevant. And as long as he's out trying to protect the people and all that cool stuff, he'll have my respect.
________

I find a new respect for the BHBM and support his work... granted if he gets a cease and desist letter from DC Comics I am afraid he is on his own... united we stand divided we fall.

Where as the RLSH could have embraced this mans message of peace and love they cast him out. I was wrong on my assessment of this person, and I here by formally apologize to The Bar Harbor Batman.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend... I welcome The Bar Harbor Batman to the ranks of the RLSV.