Poop Knife Patrol Log: 03/20/112:32pm: Left Lair to walk to dollar store to purchase cat food.
2:34pm: Man waved at me while doing yard work.... waved back.
2:41pm: Reached the dollar store. Right behind lady who dropped the door on my face. She looked back and I gave her a death stare.. she quickly looked away. Let out audible "Hurrrmmmm"
2:42pm: Made selection of brand of cat food... Cat Cafe' looked tasty. Brand name made me think of Paris.. saw bag of Meow Mix and laughed.
2:43pm: Lady waiting in line with large cart of food smiled and said I could go in front of her. Smiled and said "Thank You". Random act of kindness, the wheel of Karma re balancing after door incident? No.. they feel my evil and are in fear for their lives.. they also smell the almost sickening sweetness of the Water Mellon Jolly Rancher I am sucking on.
2:51pm: Children in street having argument about the proper disposal of a plastic water bottle. Girl wants to throw it away... boy wants to leave it there. No need for intervention... evil will prevail and I will see the bottle there tomorrow.
2:54pm: Returned to Lair and fed cat.
3:02pm: Wrote Patrol Log
That's how evil patrols go... boredom 99% of the time and then 1% sheer terror.
ReplyDelete*facepalms* Okay, let me interject an important overlooked bit of logic. If you make sure the plastic bottle is thrown away, then the neighborhood stays clean.
ReplyDelete1) A clean neighborhood keeps its higher property values.. thus more tax revenue that then allow the city to pay the exorbitant ransoms you extort from them.
2) Cleaner neighborhoods keep out the common thugs and riff raff, thus reducing the amount of petty crimes that happen in your area, like loitering, littering, and talking loudly.. you know, the petty crimes that bring hordes of Facebook Superheroes swarming into the neighborhood area to make arrests and tape YouTube videos.. Drawing unwanted attention to the vicinity of your evil lair.
3) Men are more likely to be macho and resist your eventual rule. By seeing to it the female wins the argument you effectively emasculate the young male, thus neutering his inclination to stand up for himself later on in life. This pre-conditions potential freedom fighters into being properly cowed and submissive.
Need I really go on? *sigh*
Why, oh why, can't villains look to the grand scheme of things and see the big picture? It is this lack of ambition that keeps them forever at their computer keyboards and out of public office where they belong.
B-b-b-but what about Master Legend's advice to keep the homeless employed by throwing garbage into grocery store parking lots???
ReplyDeleteI AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.