Resources for Evil: Google Maps

One of my most favorite evil activities is telling people to use Google Maps. Google Maps is perhaps one of the greatest online resources for villainy that the internet has ever known.

Besides the fact it will automatically direct you to every toll road known to man... it also loves to send you on roads and bridges that are yet to be built.

Now I know what you are saying.. where is the villainy? Getting wrong directions from an online resource is annoying sure, but not particularly evil.

Well then howabout taking a Kayak to Japan? Yes folks Google Maps will actually give you directions to Japan via Kayak... only 35 days and 6 hours. I put in Los Angeles, CA as my starting destination, as on the map it looks like a pretty straight shot across the Pacific ocean. Unfortunately Google Maps does not approve of me shoving off from LA and sends me about 1,200 miles north to depart from Washington. Thankfully only after 2,756 miles of paddling it gives me a stop over in Hawaii to stretch my legs. After my brief respite another 3,879 miles by Kayak to Japan. Now you think just getting to the shore of Japan would be good enough... no sir not for Google Maps! Once on the banks of Japan I must travel another 200+ miles (all by toll roads) to the exact epicenter of this jewel of the orient.

Google Maps does not allow travel across the Atlantic Ocean, but the Pacific Ocean is apparently a Kayaking paradise. Look out Red Arrow... here I come!

RLSV Spotlight: Tothian

For some time now I have been perplexed on how to classify one member of this wacky real life comic book sub culture. You have many different types of capes, but this one is beyond any charity worker or vigilante.. this is your classic wolf in sheep's clothing.

Tothian is the Ultimate Real Life Super Villain. From manipulation of weak willed individuals, countless threats of violence, and just down right being a dick this guy wins hands down. It is also of note to mention all of these acts of evil have been directed at RLSH members.

Some of my personal favorites are:

The T man threatening an online reviewer with sending an armed RLSH to handle not being mentioned in a parody article.

Manipulating a younger person into giving him a password to an online heroes message forum... that he then purged massive amounts of data from.

Threatening to call another capes work place claiming he was about to shoot up the place.


Bravo good sir! Just that alone puts you above and beyond any RLSV currently and most likely far into the future. I believe ROACH still has an opening for the number two spot. I think a Sith of your caliber will be running the place in no time.

Real Life Mermaids

So I watched the ABC television network tonight to tune into the show 20/20 that presented a special edition about "Superhumans!". The program featured a guy who climbs buildings, another guy with a gliding suit, real life mermaids, an autistic gu.... wait wait.. back up.

Real Life Mermaids? Ummmmm again why did no one tell me about this sooner? Hot girls in fish tails working as lifeguards and protecting the environment.. sign me up. I here by proclaim all Real Life Super Villain arching rights on Real Life Mermaids Hannah and Linden or as I will refer them to from now on as Molly and Dolly.

I will have to enhance my gimmick and plan.... Ok done. I will spend the next several months and or years developing a realistic dolphin suit. I will travel to the locations where these enchanting creatures of sailors song congregate and flail around in the water like a hurt air breathing sea creature. When they both rescue me I will pop my head out of the mouth of the dolphin costume and profess my undying love to them, winning their hearts and living happily ever after under the sea.

I must start the preparations for my plans and contact an aquatic expert about dolphins and the guy who worked on Sea Quest.... Oh yeah the rest of the television program had some other unique people then a little tidbit at the end about the RLSH.

Life (the guy, not the thing he is avoiding or breakfast cereal) and DC's Guardian were mentioned by name.

Real Life Mermaids! I am truly living in the future... or the past?